yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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