Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
