I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
