I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
