i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
