I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
