I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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