About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
