i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're like the curious george of whores
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
