I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
