Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
