I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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