you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
