we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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