that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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