I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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