just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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