Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
