Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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