You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
