we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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