My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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