its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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