he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
