New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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