I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
smell my finger.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
