i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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