Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sext me about skeletons
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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