are you still at the devil's house?
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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