My room smells like vodka and shame
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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