She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
