I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is Oprah even human
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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