I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This house was built for laser tag.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This toilet bowl is my home.
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