hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
