I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Panties = found
Randomize
