I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel great
I just peed on a car
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
