you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
