My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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