You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
