the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
