Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
