It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize