Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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