he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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