I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
