Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
