he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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