I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
