I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
