so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
