D3 body, D1 cock
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
