I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize