My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
