I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
