We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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