he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize