This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
