Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM VODKA MAN
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
