just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
