I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MIDGETS
????
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
