You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
