I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
