i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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