I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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