We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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