I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think my moral compass just broke
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