I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
