she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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