this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
