I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
