a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize