so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
