Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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