You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
