I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize