I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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