let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
