There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
