i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
