Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it hurts more in the daytime
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
