like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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