I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
