I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
