just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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