she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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