There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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