Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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