I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
