just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
