sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
