Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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