i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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