i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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