She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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