I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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