so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need a beard to bite.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize