you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
