goodnight i made you a song goodbye
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
