4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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