I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize