Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
don't judge my taste in strippers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
