My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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