Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
