where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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