LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize